The Life And Death of a Bulgarian Tree
Everybody knows the life cycle of a Bulgarian tree, but nobody really knows the ancient secrets of tree breading, no this is not an instruction manual on Bulgarian tree breeding but it is the story of how mother Earth and father Time make the perfect Bulgarian trees. The first Bulgarian tree was breaded by Mr. Abraham Lincoln and Mrs. Adolf Hitler they stumbled upon an ancient secret whilst walking across Central Park, it was buried among some corpses of German farmers. After a quick snack of cheese and jam Lincoln and Hitler made the first Bulgarian tree, according to sources found in in Richard Nixon's small intestine the tree's were very beautiful and much like ein sommer sonnenuntergang which translates roughly to a summer sunset, the Bulgarian tree as everyone knows is pink, blue and red which makes a delightful contrast against the lovely Bulgarian country side. Anyway the life of a Bulgarian tree is not very long, about 3 months then they reproduce many trees are over breading and creating a mass production, soon they won't just be Bulgarian trees they may go over borders and become Romanian and Turkish trees, there will be 3 month old trees all over the world, it may make Hitler angry but the only way we can prevent this is by exterminating all trees. Bulgarian trees are well known for there mid life crisises, they go off and buy new porsches and have affairs with younger more sexier trees, but the wife trees have come to expect this so they don't file for divorce until the last day off their lives and thats when they go out and paint the town red, which sometimes can be so confusing because they are a third red. A normal Bulgarian tree funeral consists of Take That's The Greatest Day then followed by Leon Jackson, even though Scottish, Irish dances on the burnt ashes off the dead tree. Hitler's zombie personally turns up to every tree funeral but not Mr. Lincoln he has some paperwork to do, you know heaven just doesn't happen you know you've got to check the income rate of every angel, and God he's no help he just sits on his big fat ass watching the football, you know he's just trying to get out of all the work, but it's not all bad for Abe Dale, Winton and Boy George help with the tax reports because they saw that advert where the women says that so and so remembered this day but you have to remember your tax report and God doesn't want to go to prison he's too famous. And if you could stand reading this gibberish, that is the life and the death of a Bulgarian tree. Remember tax doesn't have to be taxing.
